2 am
i was supposed to be asleep two hours ago. i've also been crying for exactly two hours. i don't think love was made for me, why does it hurt so much? why does it hurt to feel so deeply? why does it hurt to not be able to describe how i feel? no amount of words could explain how much i love angel, how much i force myself to not feel anything because i know that if i did i wouldn't just become hers, i would lose myself. i feel everything too deeply, way too deeply. simple emotions are too much for me and when it comes to love i just break. i always do. since my very first relationship i knew i wasn't meant for this. i knew that no matter what i did i wouldn't be able to show that person that i love them, that i would do anything for them if i absolutely had to, that they're the one thing keeping me alive. that pains me. it hurts so bad, my heart feels like it's just constantly being pulled apart, it was always safer for me to abandon my feelings, but i gave in. "it can't be that bad this time" i said. it was that bad. it was even worse. it will always be worse, but i can't leave her just because it hurts. that would rather prove the opposite - that i do not love her.
im a fucking mistake. i really should not have come to this world, not now and not ever. i only cause pain and problems to those around me, all of them. i could at least be pretty if i'm gonna be such a bother, but i'm not. i would think that's the end, that that's where i'd end my story, but i can't be worthless can i? i'm sure there's a reason to why i feel this way, to why i have to endure such things.
i'm sorry.
i'm sorry, angel.
reconsider dating me, please. i am not the person you want.